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| About Pete |
Welcome to my Monday mentoring tips!
I'll be sharing weekly hints and tips to help you become a confident and
effective mentor, enabling you to make a real difference to your mentee, and in
turn the community.
Comments, ideas and feedback welcome!
24/03/2015 - Set your mentee challenges
Some metees can really rise to a challenge. Setting small achievable challenges can give your mentee something to work towards and can really set the focus of your sessions together. The kind of challenges you set can be academic or character based. Perhaps you could set a challenge for your mentee to get a C in their next mock test? Or perhaps you could set a challenge for them to stop playing Xbox at 9pm to ensure they get a good nights sleep?
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16/03/2015 - Be the driving force
The mentoring relationship should always be driven by you. Of course your mentee is also a big part of it, but the onus is on the mentor to drive that relationship down positive paths, to nurture the bond into something that acts as a support for that young person, and to help that young person to flourish. Be conscientious, be proactive, be organized, be empathetic, be the best possible mentor you can be.
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09/03/2015 - Share your own story
Communication with your mentee should be a two way street. As they share with us, we must also share with them. Hearing you share information about your life will make them feel more comfortable about sharing information about their own lives. When you share, you should always share positively and appropriately. More specifically, share stories which will be beneficial to your mentee's character development. You should not share stories that could potentially set a bad example or legitimize negative behaviour, but stories that show you are able to empathize/appreciate the difficulties the mentees are facing. However, not all the information you share needs to be educational/vocational. Sometimes the mentee will just want to learn more about you. Do you have siblings, did you go to university, do you have children yourself? It's fine to share this kind of information. In fact it can really strengthen the bond with your mentee.
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02/03/2015 - Offer different courses of action
Your mentee will often be set in their ways in certain areas. Perhaps they have a habit of showing dissent to the referee during football? Or shouting down quieter young people during group talks? As a mentor, these are behaviour types you should be challenging the young people to improve. To encourage reflection, you should be offering alternative courses of action in a way that does not seem forceful or adversarial. Simply offer a non judgmental opinion or alternative course of action. Take an example where the young person is late continuously because of staying up late playing computer games. You could discuss what courses of action they could have taken instead, highlighting the positives of each. Perhaps they could instigate a cut off point where they come off the computer? Take the time to figure out a course of action that works for your mentee.
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23/02/2015 - Get your mentee to buy in to the goals you set together
When choosing goals for your mentee to work towards, make sure they are ready and willing to do so.There is no point on asking a child to work on not shouting out in class if they do not see it as a problem. Find something that they recognise as important, while encouraging reflection on those things that they should feel are important.
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16/02/2015 - Keep a Growth Mindset
Praise your mentee for their hard work and staying power, rather than intelligence and/or natural ability. Some people are naturally better at some things than others, and this is luck based rather than effort based. As such, it is important to emphasize the importance of effort and staying power and to praise your mentee when they exhibit those traits. This will encourage the development and growth of staying power, rather than nurturing any ideas that they don't have to work as hard because they are naturally good at it.
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09/02/2015 - Talk their about strengths
It is important to help your mentee identify their strengths. While we are always looking to help our mentee in the areas they are not so strong, we should always encourage them to pursue their strengths.
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02/02/2015 - It's Ok To Express Dissapointment
As much as we believe in praise at ReachOut, expressing disappointment is also important at times. If your mentee has been displaying challenging behaviour during a session, then you should bring them up on it. Be honest and calmly explain that they haven't been at their best during the session, but most importantly explain that next session is a fresh start and you expect their behaviour to improve next time.
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26/01/2015 - Think About Your Mentee's Personality
Each mentee has hobbies, difficulties, and likes and dislikes. Try tailoring your mentoring to your individual mentee. When communicating with them, think about their interests and try and make it relevant to who they are and what they care about. This will help to develop a strong relationship and to increase understanding between you both.
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19/01/2015 - Work Together
If your mentee is struggling to stick to their goals, why not set some of your own goals and work on them together. Each week you can feed back on your progress and how you overcame set backs.Seeing you take on a challenge will make your mentee feel like they are not going through their challenges alone.
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12/01/2015 - Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help
Your project leaders are always there to help you in your mentoring role. If you are struggling to improve your mentee's behaviour, speak to your project leader after the session or drop them an email. They have a lot of experience and it is their job to make sure mentees and mentors get the most out of the sessions.
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05/01/2015 - Set a Good Example
You can't expect your mentee to practice good behaviour if you are behaving in the opposite way yourself. If you do, then they probably won't take you seriously. We expect mentees to be on time, to not use bad language, and to not be on their phone and as the mentor you should be setting an example by adhering to the same rules.
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15/12/2014 - Be Confident and Communicate
It can sometimes be daunting when breaking the ice with a new mentee, but remember that your mentee is not judging you. By finding things to say, not only will you be making your mentee feel at ease, but you will be laying the foundations for an impactful mentoring relationship with them.
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08/12/2014 - Let them know it's ok to get things wrong
Whether its algebra or a job interview, your mentee needs to be given the space to get it wrong. This goes back to the old adage that we learn from our mistakes. Let your mentee know that it's ok to get it wrong as long as they identify their mistake and learn from it. It is all part of the learning process.
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01/12/2014 - Label your mentee positively
If your mentee is beginning to display challenging behaviour, label them positively. So if they are struggling with staying power, tell them, "I know you are the kind of mentee that likes to stay on task, so let's get back to that". It's called the Hawthorne effect - they will gradually begin to mirror what they are labelled.
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24/11/2014 Learn Together
Mentoring is a two-way process.We hope that we can help our mentees to learn and grow in the few weeks we have with them and in addition we can learn and grow as mentors too. Perhaps you could learn a new maths strategy, or perhaps you could learn a novel way to exercise self-control. Be open to learning from your mentee and encourage them to lead the way if they can: this will help them to develop self esteem and give them confidence in their own abilities.
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17/11/2014 - Begin Well
All relationships have to start. Not all start well. As a mentor the initiative is with you to lay a strong foundation for the mentoring relationship to succeed. You can do that by showing genuine interest in your mentee, asking questions to find out about their interests and aspirations, and remembering from week to week what they have shared with you.
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11/11/2014 - Be patient! Mentoring is a long term process.
When overcoming character challenges with your mentee, don't become disheartened if progress is slow. We are trying to get the mentees to form good habits and this takes time. Give your mentee the space and encouragement to reflect and acknowledge when they are not ready to make a change just yet.
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07/07/2014 - Summer Break.
Now that the summer is here, our mentoring projects will be on a hold until September. During this time we will be giving the weekly mentoring tips a small hiatus. Keep your eyes peeled for them again come the new academic year!
30/06/2014 - Be open to learning from your mentee.
| You
don't always have to have the answer or be the one with the knowledge. Let
the mentee teach you or show you how to do something. It might be how they solve a maths problem or make an origami object for the first time. That's a great way to validate their sense of self-worth and for you to go away with something new. Tweet this tip |
23/06/2014 - Do your homework!
If your mentee mentions that they are struggling with something in a session, go home and do some homework. If you can come back to the next session and explain a theory or formula that your mentee had not previously been able to understand, it will make both you and your mentee feel great.
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16/06/2014 - Always let your mentee know if you can't make a session.
It is understandable that every once in a while you will not be able to make a session. By letting your mentee know in advance, they will know you are committed and won't be left wondering where you are when you don’t turn up.
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02/06/2014 - Be honest - Don't be afraid to offer an honest opinion about something or to share a story.
Giving honest and constructive feedback to your mentee about something is hard, but just as important as praising them when they do something well. Make sure it has a positive slant and that it is solution focused. It can also help to share a setback you have had once or a mistake you once made when offering feedback. As long as it's appropriate and it's goal is a positive outcome, it will give your mentee something to relate to.
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27/05/2014 - Make them laugh! - Don't be afraid to make a joke now and again with your mentee. Making them laugh is a great way to get them to respond to you.
By showing your mentee that you are able to have a laugh with them as well as focusing on academic work, you can forge a much stronger relationship that will make them more likely to respond to you.
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19/05/2014 - Start on a high!
Make sure your first interaction with your mentee at each session is a positive one. Tell them you have a fun session planned, or tell them it's good to see them. This will go some way towards setting the tone for the rest of the session.
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12/05/2014 - Follow up on previous sessions.
If you discuss something important with your mentee, always ask them about it in subsequent sessions. It may be that they need more support, or perhaps have overcome a challenge in which case you can praise them for it.
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05/05/2014 - Be flexible in your approach to mentoring.
You should always have an idea of what you want to cover in your one-to-one time with you mentee, but sometimes things don't go to plan. Be ready and willing to try different ideas to engage your mentee.
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28/04/2014 - You are not mentoring on your own - ask your project leader or an experienced mentor if you need any help or support.
Sometimes it helps to get a different perspective on a certain situation. There is certainly no shame in asking someone else for advice or guidance, it is something that every member of staff here at Reachout has done at some point or another.
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21/04/2014 - Find ways to show your mentee that you are committed.
Always make a point of remembering things your mentee mentions during sessions. Maybe they mentioned they are going to the united game at the weekend, or maybe they said they are feeling confident about a maths test they have in the week. At the next session ask them how it was. Alternatively, if they mention a particular interest in something, don't be afraid to bring something appropriate in to show them. For example if they mention that they are interested in music production and you have some production software, why not bring it to show them? All this will prove to them that you are committed to creating a positive relationship.
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14/04/2014 - Introduce our character values whenever you think its appropriate - It gives a clear message that will stick with your mentee.
Once good character values are instilled. higher academic attainment, higher aspirations, and better communication tends to follow. Seizing upon every available opportunity to discuss character will drive home the importance of exhibiting positive traits. As examples, take a minute to talk about staying power when a mentee is struggling with a particular part of a worksheet, or talk about good judgement if your mentee is tired because they were on their xbox until the early hours.
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07/04/2014 - Don't be afraid to take things away and think them over - you might need to do that to best help your mentee with the problem.
Not everything has a quick fix solution. Whether your mentee has asked for help with something that's not easy to solve, or your sessions are becoming unproductive because of certain behaviours or disruptions, go away and think about a range of solutions. It might be worth talking through some things with your project manager or another experienced mentor to get a different perspective.
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| 31/03/14 - Stay
relaxed, keep calm, and make sure you speak slowly and clearly when it’s important. Staying relaxed is paramount when mentoring. A reasoned, steady approach to addressing problems will yield better results than appearing tense or flustered yourself. If you need to confront negative behavior do it calmly with a steady voice and let them know why their behavior is negative. A confrontational approach just breeds more confrontation and this will negatively affect your mentoring relationship. Tweet this tip |
24/03/14 - Think of examples to illustrate good character and why it’s important. The example might be personal or otherwise – making it real makes it more effective
Like with most things, having a concrete example to refer to is key when learning to do something or adopt new habits and behavior. Think of it in the same way as been given a piece of A grade English homework to refer to so you can see what a piece of work of that level looks like. Ask your mentee to think of people that already inspire them. This could be a singer, an actor or even a family member. Ask them to think about any positive character traits they have had to exhibit to get to where they are. This could be the piece of A grade character homework they need as a reference to enrich their own character.
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17/03/14 - You need to step out of your comfort zone too to get more out of mentoring and be a better mentor
We ask our mentees to challenge
themselves on the projects by developing new skills and improving their
behaviour. You will get more out of the project, and be a better mentor if you
do this too. If you joined ReachOut to improve your confidence in a group
environment try to be the one to initiate group conversations with other
mentors and the mentees. Or you could offer to lead an activity. Your Project
Leader will be glad of a break!
10/03/14 - Take time for reflection. That way your mentee will be able to assess their behaviour and think about making changes.
Reflection is a key tool in changing behaviour.
It allows your mentee to begin to think about
what they might need to change
and helps them to develop self-awareness. At the same time,
you can keep track
of how your mentee is doing. Reflection should be a two way process.
Ask your
mentee how they thing they are doing before you jump in with you opinion. How
your mentee views themselves is very important and they won’t change until they
are ready. Reflection should also involve praise as well as criticism.
Compliment your mentee on how
well they concentrated during maths or point out
that they were disruptive in the drama activity.
The best time to do this is
during the academic one-to-one time. However, if your mentee
does something
during group work which you think needs to be flagged up, take them aside
at an
appropriate moment and discuss it. Reflection should happen at every session.
Tweet this tip 03/03/14 - You don’t have to agree with everything that your mentee says. Find a non-confrontational way to talk about negative behaviour. Your role as a mentor is to help your mentee improve negative behaviour. This could be helping them to control their temper, prioritise their school work or respect adults more. Addressing behaviour like this is the hardest and most important part of mentoring. Don't be afraid to confront these issue but tread carefully and sensitively. You can damage your relationship with your mentee, if you are too harsh with your criticism or if you try to get them to change their behaviour before they are ready. Instead of simply telling your mentee what they are doing wrong, ask them to think about the effects of their behaviour. When they lose their temper, how does it make others feel? How does it effect the mentee themselves? Do they get detentions or lose friends? Have a discussion about the behaviour rather than simply telling your mentee off. They need to initiate the change themselves. Your role is to help them make the change themselves, not to tell them what to do. Tweet this tip 24/02/14 - Having an adult who is genuinely interested in their opinion is refreshing for a young person. Ask questions, and ask them regularly. Asking lots of questions of your mentee shows that you find them interesting and you value their opinion. It also encourages them to articulate their ideas and think on the spot, which are important skills. Often there isn't time for in depth conversations between teachers and students during the school day. One of the advantages of mentoring is that a young person gains experience in discussing their opinions in a one to one situation with an adult, which will be invaluable when it comes to university and job interviews. Tweet this tip! 17/02/14 - Give your mentee options. Choice is important, they might not realize they have one sometimes. |
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10/02/14 - Don't just set clear boundaries, maintain them!
You decide where the boundaries will be in your relationship with your mentee - what behaviour is acceptable and what are not prepared to tolerate? Once you have clearly explained these boundaries, you must actively maintain them. If you have spoken to your mentee about respecting adults and then they are rude to you, take the appropriate action. Talk about why the behaviour is wrong, make sure they apologise and, if you really need to, give an appropriate punishment. Your mentee will only learn to adhere to these boundaries if you maintain them consistently.
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03/02/14 - Take note! Remember things you discuss with your mentee and come back to them at a later date.
Remembering things your mentee talks to you about will make them feel valued and appreciated. It will also set a good example to your mentee, showing them the benefits of listening and remembering things they are told. Moreover, if you come back to important discussion topics at a later date, you will be able to see whether your mentee's opinions have changed or developed and whether they have followed any advice you gave them.
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27/01/14 - Be fun and positive – bring energy to the session, even if your mentee doesn’t.
We all have bad days. Whether you've had an argument with a friend, you're snowed under at work or you're suffering from the January blues, put all this to the side when you come to ReachOut! We need a fun, happy atmosphere on all our projects, so that the mentees enjoy coming and get the most out of the sessions. The young people will have bad days just like you. If you are enthusiastic, you will encourage your mentee to be positive too. Positive energy is infectious!
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20/01/14 - Be there every time
Do everything you can not to let your mentee down, it’s the single most important part of a successful mentoring partnership. To be an effective mentor, you need to meet with your mentee regularly so that you can build a trusting relationship. Moreover, if you miss sessions, your mentee is likely to think it is because you don't value them and it could damage their self-esteem. Manage your work load so that you can make it to ReachOut every week. If you can't be there one week, make sure you let your project leader know so they can plan the session accordingly. Where possible you should also tell your mentee and apologise to them.
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13/01/14 - Body language – keep it open, active, but focused and use it to guide your mentee
Body language is a really useful way to communicate
with your mentee. Small things like keeping your hands out of your pockets and
your arms uncrossed will make you more approachable. In one-to-one time you can
use body language to create a better environment for working. Sit up straight
up - no slouching! Sit next to your
mentee rather than opposite then and turn to face them so that you can work
together more easily. If your mentee is right-handed sit on their left so that
their arm doesn't form a barrier between you and cover their work. These little
things can really help create a beneficial atmosphere on the projects.
06/01/14
- Positive feedback is a very powerful tool!
Emphasize and praise every step forward, even the
baby steps! Focusing on your mentee's achievements, however small, rather than
pointing out bad behaviour will encourage them to focus on working towards
their goals. In addition, the other mentees may be encouraged to behave well
and earn praise too. Pick your moment to give praise. Would your mentee prefer
to be praised in one to one time or in front of the group?
16/12/13
- Be confident, show your best qualities.
Set a good example to your mentee by showing them
your positive qualities. You need to be a role model that they look up to.
Thank the other team at the end of a dogdeball match, share the resources
during arts and crafts, don't tolerate any rude behaviour, show your mentee
that you like maths. Lead by example!
09/12/13
- Be creative to engage your mentee.
Does your mentee struggle to concentrate on their
maths worksheets? Be creative and come up with different ways and strategies to
engage and inform your mentee. Relate the academic work to your mentee's
interests. Perhaps you could practice reading using song lyrics or calculate
the number of goals scored by your mentee's football team.
02/12/13
- Share your own experiences.
Did you have a bad temper when you were young? Did
you go to university? Often your mentee won’t know a person well who’s
experienced something relevant. Sharing your experiences can help a young
person gain another perspective on their situation or simply reassure them that
they are not alone. Only share things that you are comfortable sharing though!
25/11/13
- Do your research.
Go away and find out about things you might need to.
Find out about your mentee's school, the area where they live, even brush up on
your maths! Taking the time to do relevant research will help you be a better
mentor and show your mentee that you're interested in them and really want to
help.
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